The honeymoon is over... I'd like a divorce now please!

If you wander around the forums on Diabetes Daily, you will find plenty of references to the diabetic "honeymoon" period. I'm not refering to that physical honeymoon, but rather, to an emotional honeymoon.

I'm guessing most people diagnosed with some kind of serious health issue go through emotional stages. For me, it went kind of like this:

Shock, wow, I am diabetic?!?
This was partly due to the fact the dr diagnosed me as a type 2, I was like, um, I am thin, eat well, and extremely active, how does this happen? I, like most people, thought type 2 diabetes was an illness of the over weight and under active. I now know this is NOT true.

Followed by fear, I am diabetic?!?
OMG! What happens now? How do I control this? What's going to happen to me? Am I going to go blind, lose my legs, end up on dialysis?!?

Then, came a grudging acknowledgement, okie, I am diabetic.
Yeah, whatever, I'll stick myself with this lancet, and shoot up my insulin, but I'm not happy about it, and I'm just doing it because I have to. No one educated me about diabetes, and I didn't educate myself, I only did the bare minimum to stay alive.

After that, I went through a denial phaze
I hate my insulin, it makes me gain weight, I'm not taking it anymore! Look, I havn't taken it for a month, and I feel fine, okie, well maybe not fine, but apparently, I can live without it! The drs were wrong! I'm not diabetic after all, and I can do just fine without help!

Oiy, THAT phaze almost killed me! More than once!

After my "near death experiences" I decided to accept that I am a type 1 diabetic.
Yes, somewhere along my diabetic roller coaster ride my diagnosis had been changed from type2 to type 1.

The next phaze I learned that I must embrace my diabetes.
I dicovered that in order to control my diabetes, I must make it my friend, and care for it. I need to give it lots of attention and time, make it an important part of my life. This, to me, is the emotional honeymoon.

Now, I am in the frustration stage!
I have accepted and embraced my diabetes, and still, I can't seem to get it under control. It is like a child with opositional defiant disorder ! The more time, effort, and thought I put into it, the more it seems to hate me. I give it insulin daily, two kinds even, I keep it well hydrated, feed it healthy food, and take it for daily walks. Still, it hates me, numbers up, numbers down, and numbers up again. Spoiled brat! It's like a poke in the eye with a sharp stick. Seriously! I can't see a thing without my glasses anymore!

So yes, the honeymoon is over. I want a divorce. Goodbye diabetes, you can take your insulin, your needles, your diabetic recipe books, the glucose meter, and even the strips that cost like eleventy billion dollars! Just pack up that crap and move along quietly please !

If only it were that easy. Maybe that is the hardest part of living with diabetes, it is never the same from day to day. It changes all the time, what worked once, may not work again. It seems like no matter how long I have it, I am always in some type of transition, and in a different phaze.

Now go listen to some good music!